Where’s the App for Making Friends as an Adult?

Insights: Real-life lessons from my journey
Office Small Talk Around the World: What to Say (and Definitely What Not to Say)

Small talk at work is one of those things that seems universal—until you try doing it in another country and realize you've somehow started a debate, offended someone’s ancestors, or (worst of all) killed the conversation completely.

When I first started working in Japan, I figured office small talk was a safe space. A casual “How was your weekend?” seemed harmless enough—until I noticed the polite but slightly awkward silence that followed. Turns out, while personal life isn’t exactly a taboo topic, it’s also not the default go-to like in some other countries. My coworkers weren’t being rude; they were just processing why I was suddenly digging into their free time like an investigative journalist.

After a few trial-and-error interactions, I realized that in Japan, the best small talk topics tend to be neutral, safe, and universally relatable. The holy trinity? Food, weather, and commutes.

Want to break the ice? Try “Did you have lunch yet?” (This is basically the cheat code for starting conversations in Japan.) Need to fill the silence? Talk about the seasonal shift. (“It’s finally cooling down, isn’t it?” Cue nods of agreement.) Struggling to bond with a new coworker? Complain about the packed trains. (“It was like a sardine can this morning.” You just made a friend for life.)

But small talk is about more than just saying the right things—it’s also about not saying the wrong things. And let me tell you, humor is a trap.

Early on, I made the mistake of joking about being “completely useless” at a task, expecting a chuckle. Instead, my Japanese coworker looked genuinely concerned and reassured me, “No, no, you are doing fine.” Lesson learned: sarcasm does not always translate. In some cultures, self-deprecating humor is a sign of humility; in others, people take your words at face value and might start worrying about your well-being.

The biggest realization? Small talk is less about what you say and more about how you fit into the flow of conversation. Every country has its unspoken rules—some favor enthusiasm, some prefer subtlety, and some thrive on quick wit. If you’re in a new environment, the best strategy is to observe first. What do people joke about? What do they bring up in casual conversations? What topics make them instantly engage? Adapt accordingly.

And when in doubt, just stick to food. Food is universal. Food will never betray you. Food will always be the safest conversation starter—unless you insult someone’s favorite dish. Then, well… good luck.

Strategies: Actional tips to develop skills and adapt
The Weirdest Job Advice I Ever Got—That Actually Worked

Most career advice sounds pretty standard: “Network more,” “Tailor your resume,” “Always follow up.” But every once in a while, someone drops a piece of wisdom so bizarre that you can’t help but wonder if they’re messing with you.

One of the strangest pieces of advice I ever received came from a senior colleague early in my career in Japan. I was struggling to stand out in my role—working hard, doing what was expected, but feeling like I was blending into the background. That’s when he told me:

“Talk less in meetings.”

At first, I thought he was joking. I had been conditioned to believe that speaking up was the way to show engagement. In my mind, meetings were arenas where you proved your value by contributing ideas, offering insights, and occasionally nodding at just the right moment to appear thoughtful. Why would talking less help me stand out?

But then he explained: “In Japan, the person who listens the most, not the one who speaks the most, often holds the most influence.”

It wasn’t about staying silent—it was about strategic silence. Instead of jumping in with my thoughts at every opportunity, he suggested I observe the flow of conversation, let people fully express their ideas, and then—only when I had something truly valuable to add—make my point.

I tested it out. Instead of eagerly tossing out my opinions, I started paying closer attention to who spoke, how they spoke, and what topics carried the most weight. I noticed that the people who commanded the most respect in meetings weren’t necessarily the loudest—they were the ones who spoke last and summarized everything with precision.

So, I tried it. When I finally did speak, I made sure it was concise, relevant, and built upon what others had already said. Suddenly, my input carried more weight. People started turning to me for my thoughts. I wasn’t just heard—I was listened to.

This one piece of strange but effective advice changed how I approached workplace dynamics. It made me realize that sometimes, success isn’t about making more noise—it’s about making the right noise at the right time.

Would this advice work everywhere? Maybe not. Some workplaces reward being the loudest voice in the room. But if you’re in an environment where hierarchy, observation, and well-timed input are valued, it might just be the trick that helps you stand out—by standing back first.

Of course, if all else fails, you can always just bring snacks to the meeting. That works too.

Stories: Humbling, funny, and inspiring anecdotes
Making Friends as an Adult in a New Country: Harder Than Dating?

There’s something they don’t tell you about moving to a new country: making friends as an adult is an Olympic-level challenge.

When you’re a kid, it’s easy. You sit next to someone in class, trade Pokémon cards, and boom—you’re best friends. In college, friendships happen over group projects, late-night ramen runs, and collective suffering during exam season. But as an adult in a foreign country? That’s when things get… complicated.

At first, I thought, “How hard could it be?” I had moved to Japan, I was working in an office, I was somewhat functional in Japanese—surely, friendships would happen naturally.

They did not.

Instead, I found myself experiencing a strange paradox: I was constantly surrounded by people, yet making real connections felt nearly impossible. My colleagues were friendly, but the post-work drinking culture wasn’t my scene. The language barrier made deeper conversations tricky. And unlike dating—where there are apps designed to help you find a partner—there’s no Tinder for friendships. (Or if there is, someone please tell me.)

The Trial-and-Error Approach to Making Friends

At first, I tried what I called the “Proximity Method”—befriending the people I saw the most. Co-workers? Nope, too professional. The barista who made my coffee every morning? We had a solid “nod and smile” relationship, but nothing more. The guy at the gym who always used the treadmill next to mine? He looked terrified when I tried small talk.

Next, I went for the “Say Yes to Everything” strategy. Language exchange meetups? Check. Random Facebook group events? Check. Someone’s cousin’s friend’s coworker’s birthday party? Sure, why not. While exhausting, this did lead to a few solid connections—but also a lot of awkward moments and me standing in corners, pretending to text someone important.

Then, finally, I stumbled upon the golden rule of making friends abroad:

Find people who already share your interests.

Instead of trying to force friendships through sheer proximity, I started leaning into my hobbies. I joined a local running group, attended board game nights, and found fellow expats who also missed complaining about how expensive cheese is in Japan. And suddenly—without the awkward forced conversations—friendships started forming naturally.

Is It Harder Than Dating?

Honestly? Yes. Dating has a clear structure. There’s an app, a set of expectations, and (usually) a mutual understanding that you’re both there to connect. Making friends as an adult, on the other hand, feels like trying to ask someone out without any of the usual social cues.

But here’s the silver lining: friendships made in a foreign country are some of the strongest you’ll ever have. They become your family away from home, the people who truly “get it” when culture shock hits, and the ones who’ll sit with you at 2 AM, eating konbini snacks and discussing life.

So, if you’re struggling to make friends abroad, don’t give up. Keep showing up, keep putting yourself in places where your kind of people gather, and remember—some of the best friendships start with something as simple as, “Hey, do you also think it’s weird that Japan sells mayonnaise in a bag?”

Now, if only there were a way to swipe right on potential friends…

CONCLUSION
The Unwritten Rules of Work, Life, and Everything In Between

If there’s one thing I’ve learned from navigating different workplaces, receiving bizarre-yet-effective career advice, and attempting to build a social life from scratch, it’s this: figuring things out as an expat is basically a never-ending game of trial and error.

One day, you’re accidentally committing workplace faux pas by responding to an email too quickly (yes, that’s a thing). The next, you’re following a piece of advice that seemed absurd at first but somehow lands you a promotion. And in between all of that, you’re desperately trying to form friendships without looking like a socially confused golden retriever.

But here’s the good news: you’re not alone. Every expat, immigrant, and globally curious professional has faced these same challenges—just with slightly different cultural quirks attached.

Work cultures may differ, but adaptability always wins.
Career growth often comes from the most unexpected places.
And friendships? They happen when you stop trying so hard and just show up as yourself.

At the end of the day, living and working abroad isn’t about blending in perfectly—it’s about figuring out how to stand out in a way that works for you. So embrace the awkward moments, learn from the strange advice, and remember: if all else fails, just talk about the weather. It works everywhere.

Now, who’s up for making an app where we can swipe right on potential friends? Asking for… myself.