Mastering the Art of Fitting In—By Standing Out

Insights: Real-life lessons from my journey
When to Say “Yes” and When to Say “No” in a Foreign Workplace

Early in my career in Japan, I had one simple rule: say “yes” to everything.

Extra work? Yes. Late-night team drinks? Yes. Tasks outside my job description that I had no idea how to do? Also yes.

I figured if I just kept agreeing, I’d integrate faster, prove my dedication, and avoid sticking out as the obvious foreigner. And for a while, it worked. People saw me as hardworking, adaptable, and easy to work with. But after a few months of staying at the office until 10 PM, accepting last-minute requests, and running on an unhealthy amount of vending machine coffee, I realized something.

My Japanese coworkers weren’t saying "yes" to everything.

In fact, the more experienced ones were absolute professionals at the art of saying "no"—but in a way that didn’t seem like rejection at all. Instead of declining outright, they would say things like:

• “That sounds interesting! Let me check my current workload and get back to you.” (Translation: If you don’t follow up, I’m going to pretend this conversation never happened.)

• “I’d love to help, but I want to make sure I’m prioritizing what’s most urgent. What should I focus on first?” (Translation: This isn’t my problem.)

• “I appreciate the opportunity! But I think [insert colleague’s name] might be a better fit for this.” (Translation: I just volunteered someone else.)

Meanwhile, there I was, nodding enthusiastically at every request and wondering why my to-do list was twice as long as everyone else’s.

That’s when I learned one of the most important lessons in a foreign workplace: saying "no" isn’t about refusal—it’s about how you communicate it.

In Japan, where direct confrontation is avoided, rejecting a task is more like a game of verbal gymnastics. You don’t block a request; you redirect it. You don’t reject an idea; you “suggest an alternative.” And if all else fails, you hit them with a well-placed “Ahh, I see... that’s a tough one...” and wait for them to change the subject.

But here’s the twist: saying "yes" at the right moments is just as important as knowing when to say "no."

I once said yes to leading a client presentation in Japanese, even though my language skills were barely above survival mode. I walked in terrified, messed up a few sentences, but got through it. And after that, people started seeing me as someone who could handle bigger responsibilities—just because I was willing to try.

So, if you’re working in a foreign culture, the key isn’t just deciding when to say "yes" or "no." It’s about understanding how those responses fit into the local work dynamic. Some situations will require a strategic “no” disguised as a thoughtful delay. Others will be golden opportunities that look terrifying at first. The trick is knowing the difference.

And if you ever find yourself completely unsure? Just go with “I’ll check and get back to you.” Trust me—it works every time.

Strategies: Actional tips to develop skills and adapt
How to Stay Resilient in the Job Market

Job hunting is tough no matter where you are, but doing it in a foreign country? That’s a whole new level of mental gymnastics. You’re not just trying to prove you’re the best candidate—you’re also deciphering cultural nuances, business etiquette, and sometimes, job descriptions that feel like they were run through three rounds of Google Translate.

I’ve been there. Sending out applications, waiting, refreshing my inbox like it’s a limited-time sale, only to be met with radio silence. In Japan, where hiring processes can be lengthy and rejection emails… well, optional, it’s easy to start doubting yourself. But here’s what I’ve learned about staying resilient:

1. Rejections Are Not Personal (Even When They Feel Like It)

In some cultures, recruiters will give you clear feedback. In Japan? Not so much. Sometimes, you don’t hear back because the hiring team is deliberating for months. Other times, it’s because they’ve already hired someone internally but still kept the job posting up (for reasons no one fully understands). The key is to not take silence as a reflection of your worth. Keep moving forward.

2. The Right Role is Out There—But It Might Not Be Where You Expect

When I first started looking for work in Japan, I had a very specific vision of the role I wanted. But the more I networked, the more I realized that my skills could be applied in places I hadn’t even considered. One of the best opportunities I ever got came from a role I initially thought was “not quite right” for me. It turned out to be the perfect fit.

3. Never Underestimate the Power of a Follow-Up

A polite but persistent follow-up email (or phone call) can work wonders. In Japan, where hiring decisions often involve multiple layers of approval, sometimes all it takes is a well-timed check-in to remind a recruiter, “Hey, I’m still interested!” The key is balancing persistence with patience—too much of either can backfire.

4. Don’t Wait for the Market to “Get Better”

If I had a yen for every time someone told me to “just wait until hiring picks up,” I’d probably own property in central Tokyo by now. The job market has its ups and downs, but waiting for the “perfect moment” to apply means missing out on real opportunities. Companies are always hiring—you just have to know where to look.

5. Build Relationships, Not Just a Resume

Your LinkedIn profile might be polished to perfection, but at the end of the day, people hire people they trust. Some of the best job leads come from casual conversations, not formal applications. Go to events, talk to people in your industry, and don’t be afraid to put yourself out there.

The Bottom Line

Resilience in the job market isn’t about never feeling discouraged—it’s about what you do next. Keep applying, keep networking, and keep learning. And most importantly, don’t let a few setbacks shake your confidence. The right opportunity is out there—you just have to stay in the game long enough to find it.

Stories: Humbling, funny, and inspiring anecdotes
Embracing Individuality While Thriving in a Foreign Culture

Moving to a new country is like being dropped into the middle of a movie where you don’t know the plot, the characters, or even the genre. At first, you’re just trying to figure out if it’s a feel-good coming-of-age story or a survival thriller. And if you’re working abroad, the stakes feel even higher—because it’s not just about fitting in, it’s about succeeding while staying true to yourself.

When I first started working in Japan, I had this idea that I needed to completely blend in to be taken seriously. I watched how my coworkers spoke, how they sat in meetings, how they even nodded in agreement (yes, there’s a technique to it). I adjusted everything—my tone, my posture, my email phrasing—to match the culture. But somewhere along the way, I realized something: I was so focused on fitting in that I was erasing the very things that made me valuable.

Here’s what I’ve learned about embracing individuality while thriving in a foreign culture:

1. You Were Hired for a Reason—Own It

If a company wanted someone who thought, acted, and worked exactly like everyone else, they would have hired locally. The fact that you’re there means they see something in you that adds value. Maybe it’s a different perspective, a fresh way of solving problems, or even the ability to challenge the status quo. Don’t be afraid to lean into that.

2. Adapt, But Don’t Disappear

There’s a fine line between cultural adaptability and losing yourself in the process. Yes, understanding local business customs is crucial. Yes, you should learn the unspoken rules. But that doesn’t mean suppressing your natural way of thinking or working. Instead of asking, “How can I be more like them?” ask, “How can I add value while respecting the culture?”

3. Your Uniqueness is a Strength, Not a Liability

In Japan, where consensus and harmony are highly valued, it’s easy to feel like standing out is a bad thing. But the truth is, the most successful foreign professionals I’ve met didn’t just adapt to the system—they brought something new to it. Whether it was introducing more direct communication styles, bringing in international business practices, or simply offering fresh ideas, they made an impact by being themselves.

4. Find Your People

One of the biggest game-changers for me was finding a support system—people who understood the challenges of working in a foreign country and encouraged me to be myself. Whether it’s colleagues who appreciate your perspective or friends who remind you that you’re not crazy for struggling with certain cultural differences, having the right people around makes all the difference.

5. The Best Version of You is a Blend of Both Worlds

Over time, I realized that thriving in a foreign culture isn’t about choosing between “being myself” and “fitting in.” It’s about taking the best of both worlds and creating something new. I still nod along in meetings the way I was taught, but I also challenge ideas when I see room for improvement. I still follow business etiquette, but I also bring my own style of communication to the table. The goal isn’t to become someone else—it’s to become a more adaptable, well-rounded version of yourself.

CONCLUSION
Thriving on Your Own Terms

Working abroad isn’t just about learning the rules—it’s about figuring out which ones are worth following and which ones you can (and should) bend. Whether it’s knowing when to say “yes” (or “no”) in the workplace, negotiating a salary without stepping on cultural landmines, or embracing what makes you different, the key to thriving isn’t about blending in—it’s about standing out in the right way.

Yes, there will be awkward moments. You’ll misread situations, second-guess yourself, and occasionally wonder if you should’ve just stayed in your comfort zone. But over time, you’ll realize that the very things that make you different are also your biggest advantages.

So if you ever feel out of place, remember: you’re not alone. Every foreigner who’s built a career abroad has had their share of missteps and doubts. But with the right mindset (and a little bit of humor), you’ll not only find your place—you’ll define it on your own terms.